War can leave families in a
dysfunctional condition. In the case of the Vietnam War, the broadcast video of
the last helicopter taking off from the roof of the American embassy in Siagon
in 1974 carries with it the veneer of fleeing Vietnamese on their way to a life
of freedom in the United States. Not evident from the video is the impact on a
Vietnamese family that is documented in the film, Oh,
Siagon (2007).
On that helicopter were two
parents and their kids, minus the wife’s daughter whom the parents could not
contact in time for her to leave with them. That did not stop the authorities
from arresting that daughter for trying to leave Vietnam. She eventually made
it to Los Angeles, where her mother and step-father were living. Unfortunately,
the half-sister’s resentment festered for years. Such a cost of war is seldom documented.
In the film, the step-daughter
says of her mother having left her behind in Siagon, “She loves me but she
loves herself more.” That the mother still feels guilty and yet her husband,
the “half-sister’s” step-dad does not could be more appreciated by the woman’s
daughter. The step-father merely states, “It was war.” He himself has not
spoken with, or even mentioned, his older brother for decades because the
latter and he had political differences regarding North and South Vietnam. In
the film, the couple, their joint children, and the “half-sister” journey back
to Vietnam because the father wants to see his elder brother, who is ill and
will soon die.
Once back in Vietnam, the two
brothers reconcile. It is easy for them, for it has been decades the old
North-South division in the country had ended. As pronounced as that division
was, and how at odds the two brothers had been politically, it is the
resentment of the “half-sister” even on the trip and the related arguments between
her and her mother and step-father that is still ongoing. The indifference of
the husband towards his wife’s daughter is clear; he has not pity on her for
having been left behind n Vietnam, and yet he forgives his elder brother. The
festering resentment and the indifference, plus the mother’s guilt, ruin the
family trip even though there is joy in the two brothers reconciling after many
decades.
In 1972, the video of the last helicopter leaving the U.S. embassy captures nothing of the complex family dynamic documented in the film decades later. Among civilians, war is messy and can thwart and even destroy families. Human beings are not so malleable as to move on without festering resentment from such a drastic event as a family leaving a young daughter behind in another country. That that “half-sister’s” step-father had not even mentioned his elder brother for decades until shortly before the trip back to Vietnam also attests to the fact that resentment within a family can go on for decades in utter selfish stubbornness.
In that regard, I am reminded of my youngest brother, and yet my original family was untouched by war between or within nations and even political differences. The same stubbornness as can fester within families lies behind wars between and within countries. Indeed, a family may suffer and ultimately unwind from a long-standing, unresolved civil war. The macro, societal or international, level and the micro family-level are social manifestations of the same underlying human nature, and thus can be related. The upshot is that fortifying international law as enforced by international governmental institutions can potentially thwart war, and thus its negative impact on families. As for dysfunctional families absent war, those may be a harder nut to crack.
